First of all, this story is 100% TRUE, and it happened TODAY…..
Okay, so for the most part, I think I’m pretty BADASS!
I, like most self-respecting stay-at-home Moms, occasionally like to day dream about being a super hero. Who doesn’t, right?
Of course, every super hero has their weaknesses and more importantly, their strengths. In the past I’ve always considered one of my many strengths to be my SUPER HUMAN BADASS high pain tolerance. You know, kind of like Batman.
And just so you know, I’ve also taken the liberty of testing this SUPER HUMAN BADASS high pain tolerance on a number of difference occasions. Some of those tests were performed while riding a mountain bike, or should I say, while falling off a mountain bike. Some were performed while simply standing still, others were performed while walking, and of course one of those tests was also performed while laying down, then squatting, then laying down again…..you know….when I gave birth!
Anyways, on all of those occasions I have proven, without a doubt, that I indeed have a SUPER HUMAN BADASS high pain tolerance.
As for weaknesses, I really don’t have very many, unless of course you consider my caffeine addiction a weakness, which I guess it kind of would be, cause I’m pretty much incapable of kicking ass until I’ve had at the least 3 cups of coffee. But that’s pretty much it, or at least I thought it was…..
Skip forward to today…..
Now every super hero also has a Nemesis, and today Ladies and Gentleman, I met mine…..
Yep, it’s a CAR DOOR….duh, duh, duh…..
Seriously, I was helping my friend get her stuff out of her car this morning when the CAR DOOR ATTACKED ME! In other words, I SMASHED my stupid thumb in the door.
Now, this was where my SUPER HUMAN BADASS high pain tolerance came into play. You see, I didn’t scream, I didn’t even cuss! In fact, I didn’t even mention it until there was a safe distance between me and my Nemesis. Then, in a very nonchalant kind of way I mentioned that her car door was evil, that it attacked me, and that she should have it put down……just kidding…..I didn’t say that last part, I didn’t want her to think I was NUTS, especially since I was going to be watching her kid all day!
So after my friend leaves, her son and I meander around the house for a few minutes, then I realize that my thumb kind of hurts, like A LOT! Not like OMG I’m going to die A LOT, just A LOT! So I put the kid down in his little Bumbo seat on the table. My husband walks into the kitchen, notices that I’m breathing hard, and asks me what’s wrong. I tell him, that stupid friggin car door attacked me! He just kinda shakes his head and goes about his business.
I then realize that I’m starting to feel kind of nauseated. So of course, I reach for another cup of coffee, thinking that my Badassness needs some extra fuel, but before I could poor myself a cup, I started getting dizzy. I immediately sat down in the chair, right next to the little guy in his Bumbo seat.
He’s such a smiley little fella, always so happy. God I love that smile………………………
That’s when my body betrayed me. The last thing I remember seeing was his cute little chubby cheeks smiling up at me. Then, all of a sudden, my husband was standing over me, shaking me, and slapping my face…..
Me: “What the HELL! Why did you wake me up!”
Husband: “You passed the F’ out! Don’t MOVE! Just stay still! Look at me!”
Me: “Oh Shit! Where’s the kid?”
Husband: “He’s right there, he’s fine.”
Sure enough, there he was sitting on the table in his little Bumbo, still smiling!
Apparently I did a swan dive right off the chair, smacked my head on the linoleum, and just decided to take a nap.
My poor husband thought I was dead! Luckily, Z was still in bed, so she didn’t bear witness to my beautiful swan dive, thank GOD!
So, lesson learned, CAR DOORS are not friendly! If it’s the last thing I do, I will rid the world of every EVIL CAR DOOR! Cause I’m a super hero, and that’s what super hero’s do……
Oh, and FYI, I’m okay, my thumb on the other hand is currently seeking revenge….